Saying “NO” to multitasking?

So as most of you know, I am on a personal journey to slow down and take time for my life.  Having recently experienced a number of difficult changes in my life, I am getting the message to “Go slow to know”.  This is proving so difficult.  I am trying to close all of the “escapes” in my life.  The distractions that keep me wrapped up in my head and out of the present moment.

I noticed on evening recently that I was in bed with my succulent orange – I absolutely love my evening orange – reading a magazine with the TV on.  Now come on.  Talk about distractions.  Why is it so difficult for me to do one thing at a time.  I am noticing everywhere how I want to be doing more than one thing – that’s admirable isn’t it?  To my ego driven achiever self yes but to my inner peaceful spirit it is not.  I notice I love to “do” while I talk on the phone – laundry, empty the dishwasher – all tasks I view as mundane but necessary.  Why do I feel this compulsion to complete activities and stay busy?  Why is staying present so darn confronting?  In presence I often feel sad, lonely or bored.  I used to tell my friends when this stillness would be present – “This could be serenity but it feels sad, lonely and boring”.

Today my commitment is to not talk on the phone while driving – something I love to do.  “No time to call her back, I’ll call her on my drive here or there”.  I must confess I have only been doing this a day or two and I can’t tell you how often I have reached for the phone to escape the “boredom” of driving.  I know Oprah has been on the “No Phone Zone” bandwagon because the truth is doing things while driving causes accidents.  It’s the same thing in my life.  When my attention is on more than one thing I am not as powerful. 

I have also been eating my lunch in SILENCE – that’s right – no TV, no music, just me and my lunch.  I am considering talking to the chicken and rice but I guess that would defeat the purpose….what is the purpose – oh yeah, to get to know ME.  To feel more connected within…right now those seem like admire characteristics better left for Buddhist monks.

The truth is there are MOMENTS when I feel it…tears come to my eyes and I see and feel an aliveness that I never experienced before.  I remember at a Mindfulness workshop lead by Jon Kabat-Zinn when he gave everyone a raisin to chew on – one raisin with the instructions to take as long as you could to eat it.  What an amazing exercise.  You can’t believe how satisfying one raisin can be.  I remember the realization of all my senses being alive and awake during this exercise.  When lunchtime came we ate in silence and were instructed to eat our lunch mindfully.  I had a huge caesar salad and I mindfully ate each bite of lettuce….it really was a cool experience but definitely one reserved for course work and not to be done outside the mindfulness seminar!  Once I got home – back to reality – forget being mindful.  And so it goes…today I am motivated once again to give living more mindfully a shot and the first step in that process is to try and do one thing at a time.  A real challenge for this compulsive “doer”.