FOCUS ON MONEY – KILL YOUR SOUL!

I am convinced that focusing on money is a sure fire way to deaden the soul.  I’ve seen it first hand too many times for myself and others.  I am going along creating and living a life I love and WHAM! I get stopped by the voices of financial insecurity in my head that wonder how much money I have, need, want, etc.  For me, it is a tricky tight rope this money thing.  A dear friend reminded me recently that money=survival.   Money is the force that allows us to satisfy our primal survival needs for food, shelter, clothing.  We need it to SURVIVE.  

 But at what price?  When does the focus on money cross the line?  In my former life in corporate America, I was one of the top sales reps in our division – won President’s Club, trip to an island paradise, making great money but the truth is I was dead inside.  In order to deal with the stress and pressure of achievement I had sacrificed my body and my soul and the most shocking part was – I wasn’t even conscious of it!  Have you ever heard the acronym for DENIAL? - Don’t Even Know I Am Lying – to myself first and foremost.  

BIG Bucks, BIG Recognition, BIG Career…BIG Deal!  I was 45 pounds overweight and truly dead in my spirit.  I had lost touch with the most important person in my life – ME!  I kept hearing deep in my heart it was time for a change but I was too scared to give up what the world viewed as a great job.  Don’t get me wrong – I loved my corporate America sales job for a long time.  It provided great flexibility, I worked with great people and it paid well.  Unfortunately, after about 10 years or so I got the nudge that it was time to do something different, to move on and money was one of the big reasons I was so scared to take the leap and try something new. 

Today, 11 years later, embarking on a new career, I realize I am “counting the money” again and have forgotten the purpose of my work – it makes my heart sing.  This work I love fills my spirit and creates an aliveness and purpose in my life.  But today, my ability to enjoy the work is eclipsed by financial insecurities once again.  How can I make more money?  Get more clients?  Fit more work into my already crazy, busy day?  These are the tapes that are constantly playing in my head.

Enter awareness…I feel blessed to be present and aware enough to catch myself when I am wrapped up in financial fears and insecurities.  I know this is a signal that I have lost contact with my soul.   Today, aware and alert, I can make better choices or at least be aware of the cause of my “suffering” – my focus on money.

I was scheduled to attend a seminar last week by a well known local marketing guru to hear about how to book more clients.  I didn’t go…instead I took the day to write and relax.  What?  Throw away $79…What about all of those brilliant marketing tips I’ll miss out on… ahh but I heard my spirit in the next breath say – Not going to the seminar provides just as many gifts – a gift to you (let go and just “BE” and stop efforting to get ahead) and a gift to the marketing guru (your $79 providing some of his financial support) and ultimately the world.  It’s just money honey…

So, the truth is I am still fearful of not having enough money but as Susan Jeffers reminds us in her fabulous book of the same title, I will continue to  ”Feel the Fear and Doing it Anyway“.  What choice do we have?  Oh yeah, dead spirit.  No thanks.

Today, I am testing the advice to “follow your passion and the money will come”.  I am doing the experiment.  Are you?  I would love to hear your experiences of walking the tightrope of money as you let go  to pursue our dreams.