We are just a few days away from the blank screen! Thanks to those of you who are joining our crusade to be more present by turning off the TV and seeing what opens up in the space previously occupied by TV.

To give you a taste of what’s in store, I am re-posting the post I wrote last year after my first week without TV.  I quickly learned that I watched more TV than I thought and I also realized I needed to make a list of “things to do instead of watch TV”.  You may want to do this for yourself, pull out some of your unfinished projects, plan a visit to Michael’s Craft store or your local library to get some things to do during the “no TV” time.  Just be aware, we are trying to be more mindful and not simply fill the space previously occupied by TV.  There also were many gifts I received after just one week without TV.  Read on to discover some of the gifts I received after just one week without TV.  I will be anxious to hear from you about what you discover in your own life!

TV DETOX CHECK-IN: I AM A LIAR! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN TV!

So, how was my first week without TV? Do you want the good news first or the bad? Ok, since I can’t hear you I will give you what I always choose – bad first. Always good to end on a positive note. Bad news – a lot of this first week I felt lost and, even uglier, I discovered I am a LIAR. There you have it. I actually realized I watch more TV than I thought.

In my original post, I said “I don’t even watch TV that much. Just an hour or so after my daughter goes to bed”. LIAR. I think I was in denial about my TV watching. Fits with the acronym I love for denial: Don’t Even Know I Am Lying…to myself mostly. Isn’t that the way it is with most things we are addicted to?

I honestly “forgot” about other times I typically watch TV. For example, I usually watch TV after I eat my lunch for about a half hour. About a year ago, when I began my quest to stop multitasking and to instead do one thing at a time, I decided to stop reading or watching TV while eating. To help alleviate the pain of this disconnection, I allowed myself to still watch a half hour of TV, just not while I was eating. My routine is I eat by myself at my kitchen table and then I watch TV for a half hour. I didn’t remember this when I wrote my original post…somehow it didn’t count! So lunch has been hard. Breakfast and dinner I have Katie as a companion. Meals alone are hard. I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to watching a little TV after lunch. Curbs the loneliness?

What have I done with my new found half hour? At first I was “filling the time”, making phone calls, just going back to work earlier, checking email…then I sat and thought about what could I do here that would stimulate me and help me get ready to go back to work? Curious? You’ll have to wait for the “good news” section to find the answer.

The other time that I watch TV that I conveniently “forgot” is when Katie watches TV for an hour or so either before or after dinner. When she watches TV, I typically disappear and do the same on the upstairs TV. I did note in my original post that what prompted this detox was noticing that I was watching TV upstairs while Katie was downstairs watching her show. So, now I find that she still wants to watch TV during this time (she wants NO part of this TV detox!) and I am left to walk around my house trying to find something to do. I am lost.

I know this feeling. I have felt it before when I surrendered other “escapes”. The feeling is the same uncomfortable one like I am crawling out of my skin and need a “fix”. Last night, I just walked around my house looking for things to do. It really hit me as I opened my food pantry and stared in longingly. Geez, that’s the last thing I want to do, go back to one compulsion as I give up another. So, I remind myself what helped me when I was giving up excess food, alcohol, etc.

During those times when I wanted to “blow it” and dive into my “thing” I did two important things that served me:

1) Make a list of things to do instead of “watch TV”. In the past, I would say “Eating/drinking/shopping, (you can substitute your own word here) is not an option, NOW WHAT?” When I was giving up excess eating, I needed a list of things to do instead of eat. This list included EVERYTHING I might ever consider doing: Take a walk, call a friend, nap, read, organize photos, scrapbook, jizsaw puzzle, make a pot of coffee (decaf now of course!), drink a glass of water, exercise…blah, blah, blah. It was long and full.

The point of the list was to create a pause between the impulse to eat, or in this case turn on the TV, to allow for time for me to remember that I do have more in my life that I could do besides what I am used to doing. Not easy to fight against in those moments when my mind is screaming “but your missing your favorite shows”, “the world is passing you by” and ultimately “LOSER!” That’s really it. I am left feeling empty without my usual fillup. Uncomfortable.

Which brings me to point number 2) Find other things that comfort me. One of the greatest lessons I have gotten in surrendering things that no longer serve me is the ability to learn to sit in the discomfort. This has been hard. I so want to feel good all the time but that is not REAL. Real life is sad, lonely, joyful and grand. All of it. If I can’t feel the yucky, I can’t feel the divine. So, for comfort, I know I love hot baths, a cup of tea, phone call to a friend, etc. A friend of mine simply throws her pjs in the dryer, sometimes that’s all I am looking for – some warmth to soothe the discomfort.

So the bad news is this TV detox is harder than I thought (no surprise I guess) and I have that same old familiar “icky” feeling of discomfort to confront.

Now for the good news…surrendering TV has opened up space in my life for more LIVING!! Yes! During this last week I did things that I wouldn’t have done had I been watching TV. For example I:

1) Took Walks. Katie and I walked almost every night. Truth is because I am watching less TV so is she.

2) Re-learned to play Battleship. Loved that game as a kid and Katie got it for her birthday in January and we’ve never opened it. She killed me and enjoyed that immensely.

3) Read More. Katie and I are reading together for an hour each night. It feels good.

4) Danced More. Oh yeah, wondering what I do with my new found half hour during lunch? I am dancing. Yep, I put a few catchy tunes on my ipod and dance. This stimulates my creative juices and gives me energy. Woo Hoo!

5) Slept More. Lights out by 9:30 – sleeping like a baby.

So there you have it. The good, the bad and the ugly of my first week without the boob tube.  This year’s journey begins on Friday, July 1st.  Comment below or email me if you are joining our crusade!  We’d love to have you!

Just like last year, I have tried to ease the pain by waiting until most of my favorite shows are in reruns, Oprah is over, both the American Idol and Dancing with the Stars champions have been crowned and the Phillies sit comfortably atop first place.  The timing is perfect.  Heck, you will probably even have  some vacation time and a holiday weekend during the month of July during which you wouldn’t normally watch TV anyway, right? 

If you are interested in joining this challenge, write a comment below or send me a note on Facebook so I can add you to the group.   Interested but not brave enough to join for a full 30 days?  Feel free to join us for one of the weeks or even just a day or two each week, whatever feels doable for you.   We welcome all participants.  My intention is to create a facebook group solely for us brave TV-less warriors to share all of our thoughts and feelings throughout the process and of course to share things we are doing instead of watching TV! 

Take these next two weeks and watch all your favorite shows – the TV screen goes blank on Friday, July 1st! 

Below is my original post from last July which details why you might want to consider embarking on a 30-DAY TV DETOX journey.  I hope it motiviates you to join us!

THE TV CHALLENGE – SURRENDER TV FOR 30 DAYS!

As most of you know, as a “student” of the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and Pema Chodron, I am on a personal quest to build my level of presence in my life.  I have closed a lot of the obvious “run” spots which for me included excess food, alcohol, and caffeine (which keeps me unconscious by keeping me “doing” instead of being present).  This month I am getting the “nudge” to let go of my TV watching for 30 days. 

Now, let me just say that there is nothing wrong with watching a little TV for enjoyment.  I really am not even a big TV watcher.  I tape a few shows I like and watch about an hour or so in the evening after my daughter goes to bed.  Now that baseball season is in full swing, I do tape and watch the Phillies pretty faithfully. 

I actually stopped watching all news programs about 5 years ago.  The only news show I watch is Daily News Live the local sports news at 5Pm on ComcastSportsnet.  Believe it or not, this is my favorite show on TV and for me will be the most difficult to let go.  It gives me the news of the day in sports and has great commentators.  I am sure we all have our personal favorite shows that are hard to “give up” – Glee, Grey’s Anatomy, anything on HBO!  

So why let go of TV watching for a period of time?  As a fellow pioneer on this quest for more consciousness in my life,  I want to see what comes up for me when I close the TV as an escape from myself and my reality.   I have watched lots of Oprah shows on families giving up all of the “escapes” ie electronics, dinners in front of the TV, etc. and have witnessed the bonding and levels of intimacy that open up for them.  

One of the inspirations for me doing this is to increase the level of intimacy in my life with myself, my daughter and the world.  Recently, I noticed that my daughter was downstairs watching her shows and I was upstairs watching mine.  It reminded me of times in my marriage (I am now divorced), where my husband and I would do that same thing.  I often joked that he and I would land on the exact opposite channels – our tastes in TV were that different.  I want to open up intimacy with  my daughter and spend more time with her.  I am going to shut off the TV and see what happens. 

In Julia Cameron’s best selling book The Artist’s Way, she has you go on a 7 day reading detox.  “It is a paradox that by emptying our lives of distractions we are actually filling the well.  Without distraction, we are once again thrust into the sensory world…Reading deprivation casts us into our inner silence.  We often cannot hear our own inner voice, the voice of our artist’s inspiration, above the static.”  This is what I am looking for – a deeper connection to my inner creativity, life, artist. 

Would you like to join me on this 30 day TV detox?  Do you think this “presence” thing has just gone too far and I am crazy? Feel free to comment below and share your thoughts!  I welcome all opinions!

What you don’t know is that dancing had been appearing for years on a lot of the lists I create as part of my Artist’s Way curriculum.  Throughout The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron has you create many lists about things you’d like to try, things you love, classes you’d like to take, etc. and dance was often on my list, but was I dancing? NO. I kept saying “I will sign up for dance lessons”, “I will find a place to dance.”  Which lead me to consider - why not just dance?

Dancing is advocated by most of the women I read and admire as a wonderful way to connect to your spirit.  I was introduced to the concept of a quick dance at Denise Linn’s Summerhill ranch when I attended Soul Coaching training.  Often after training or after a meal, we would gather and dance to whatever was playing on the stereo. 

When I went to see Tama Kieves, author of one of my favorite books, This Time I Dance!  at Kripalu last January, we danced before and after a lot of the workshop activities. Kieves introduced us to a great song she first heard on Grey’s Anatomy by Brian Christopher called The Quest that is still part of my dancing repertoire today. 

Sonia Choquette, when she visited New Jersey last year stressed the importance of movement as a quick way to connect with our spirits. It was actually at her workshop that I learned how exhausting it can be to dance vigorously for her required 3min and 40 sec or the length of one song. I couldn’t believe how winded I was and vowed to keep doing this once I returned home, hence my Soul Coaching commitment.

In Day 2 of the 28 day Soul Coaching program, we are tasked with making a commitment to do something positive for ourselves for the remainder of the 28 day course.  Denise Linn, author of the book Soul Coaching,  reminds us that it’s better to make a commitment to do something for 30 seconds and keep the commitment than it is to pick something grander and not follow through.  I chose a simple commitment to dance for 5 minutes a day. One song, that felt doable.

So, one of the keys to keeping a commitment ? Chose something small.  After that?  Just get started.  In Walking in This World, Julia Cameron’s deep but gentle sequel to The Artist’s Way, Cameron urges us to just make “a beginning.”  In one of the first sections of the book, Cameron recalls urging a beginning musician, who wants to learn piano, to “sit down at the piano and touch the keys.” “Five minutes a day is better than no minutes a day.”  “Five minutes might lead to ten, just a tentative embrace leads to something more passionate.” she encourages. 

Many days during the month of February, I danced for 10 and even 20 minutes but having the small commitment of just 5 minutes lent itself better to the fulfillment of more time.  I am sure you have experienced this as well.  I am also using this technique to organize my basement.  I recently moved and the basement became the dumping ground for all boxes and things without a home.  My commitment is to go through one box a day.  Open, empty and organize just one box.  I am amazed at the sense of accomplishment I feel after doing  just one small task. 

So, back to the original purpose of this post - What is it you love?  Can you give yourself just 5 minutes today to enjoy it? Reflect on it?  Open that project back up?  Relax?  Dance?  Whatever it is – 5 minutes.  As Julia Cameron reminds us “Writing doesn’t care about where you do it. It cares that you do it.  The same is true for drawing or whatever it is you love.”

I know you have 5 minutes to spare for your spirit today.  Come on.  What is it you can do? Keep it simple, eliminate the all or nothing mentality. Just keep affirming what it is your would like to do and one day – you will be dancing!    Please comment and tell me what you commitment to do for yourself for 5 minutes today.  I am waiting to be inspired!

Last year, with funds extremely limited, I was looking for an inexpensive way to celebrate my mother on Mother’s Day.  As I considered my options, I remembered an article I had saved which talked about creating a memory jar of wonderful memories you have of your mom and putting them on slips of paper and presenting her with the jar full of memories on Mother’s Day.

As I started to ponder the idea, I thought I should invite my brother and sister to submit items for the jar.  I then got the idea to include my mom’s friends.One of the greatest gifts I have gotten from my mom is the knowledge to cherish and honor your friends.  My mom LOVES her friends and works hard at creating time and space for friends in her life.  Her circle of friends is a powerful, loving and joyful presence in my mom’s life.  I decided to take the leap and open up this circle to include family and friends. 

Since I wanted maximum participation I knew I needed to make my request easy and quick.  Therefore, instead of memories I sent a simple email explaining what I was doing and asked people to share with me “things they love about my mom.” I asked them not to give it too much thought, to just email to me the first thoughts that come to mind.  To my surprise, the emails came flooding in…”I love Jean’s humor”, “Empathy is her middle name” “Great listener” “So much spunk”.  I was actually brought to tears by the power of these emails.

I then typed the one liners on a pink piece of paper along with the name of the person who wrote them, cut them into individual pieces, and placed them into a beautiful glass vase.  The result is a wonderful daily reminder for my mom of the wonderful woman she is – on Mother’s Day and everyday.  Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.  I love you.

Footnote: My mom recently shared that her grandkids will often take the pieces of paper out of the vase and read them bringing her unexpected and repeated joy.  She recently thanked me once again for this priceless gift – a powerful tribute to a wonderful women.

This week is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death.  Unlike a lot of people, I was fortunate to have my grandmother in my life for 42 years and she remains a loving presence in my heart even today.  What is it about the magic of grandmothers?   I know in groups and workshops I lead, if you ask people about the most influential person in their lives and from whom they most felt unconditional  love, you will hear “My grandmother” as the answer most often given.  This was certainly true for me.  As a young girl,  I remember part of the allure was the fact that at grandmom’s “anything goes”.  I was allowed to cartwheel through the living room, play jacks on the dining room table and drink Coke through a licorice straw.  What fun.  I spent many memorable times with my grandmom.   

As I got older it was just the unspoken, unconditional love and attention I received from my grandmother that I feel and cherish most.  When I was 10 years old, my grandmother learned to drive.  She was 55 years old and driving changed her life forever.  She and my grandfather would get out in the car and explore the world.  They loved the open road.  When  I needed a two hour ride to Cheerleading camp in high school, they gladly volunteered.  I can’t tell  you how many times they chauffeured me back and forth to Penn State in Happy Valley.  Too many times to count over four years.  Their favorite destinations were the Jersey shore and today I feel  my connection to and love for the beach is a gift I received from my grandparents.  

Now don’t get me wrong.  My grandmother was a tough, cantankerous women – except with me. My grandfather nicknamed my grandmother “Tilly the Toiler” after an old comic strip about a  woman who worked hard.  My grandmother worked most of her life which was very unusual for women then.  The family says I was the favorite – first born grandchild -  I think they always hold a special place in grandmothers hearts. 

So this week as we celebrate mothers I know many of us are also celebrating our grandmothers.  Dr. Christiane Northrup, in her wonderful book, Mother-Daughter Wisdom, a must read for mom’s of girls,  discusses the energy of our female ancestors.  She highlights an exercise in which she asked workshop participants to say their names out loud and then add ”daughter of Regina, daughter of Elizabeth, daughter of Mary, etc.  As each women named the women of her maternal heritage they linked hands and she invited all these ancestoral women to be with them in the room.  Some woman had named seven generations.  She said women began to sob at the power of this exercise.  I know for me it was very powerful simply to do that exercise by myself.  Northrup encourages us to call upon this energy often when we need more power and I certainly have.  

Today, I watch my mother as a grandmother and I am again left to witness the pure magic of it.  My mother adores her grandchildren.  She will tell you flat out that it is her grandkids that give her the greatest pleasure.  My mom’s life centers around her 7 granddaughters all under age 11.  When my mom ordered new family room furniture recently, the only requirement for her chair was that it be wide enough to fit her and two grandkids.  Needless to say the chair is the centerpiece of the family room!

When I see my mom with the grandkids I am reminded of Bill Cosby’s hysterical and classic comedy act Cosby Himself where he says “These are NOT my parents!”  My mother always says short of burning the place down “ANYTHING GOES”….dirt, messy toys, rummaging upstairs, jumping on beds, playing with water in the sandbox, the list goes on.  My brother and sister and I would’ve been in so much trouble if we did any of the things these girls are allowed to do.  Ahh – the magic of grandmothers.  Somehow you are transformed into pure sweetness.  I know that’s what my grandmother was to me…

In business lingo, I am not what you would call an “early adopter”. I tend to wait, watch, and listen and what I was hearing was not too encouraging.  In fact, some of what I heard about Facebook actually scared  me.   It reminds me of my journey with the iphone which I resisted for some of the same reasons. I initially did not want an iphone.  Why?  I did NOT want to be that accessible.  The ability to receive emails and texts via my phone – no thank you.  Have people be able to get me 24/7 – no way! 

So, as with many things in my life, the exact opposite of what I thought would happen if I bought an iphone actually happened.  To my surprise, I found that the iphone actually gave me more freedom – who’d have thought? Now, I don’t know how I ever lived without it.  Today, I have the freedom to quickly respond to emails, get updates, read the latest news, etc. all on my schedule when it is convenient for me.  I am no longer confined to a computer in my office to do my work.  I am free! Waiting has actually become enjoyable. (Ok – Eckhart Tolle would not be happy – I should be being present with myself and not “passing time” on my iphone but that’s another post!). 

My point is that I love my iphone and today don’t know how I existed without it and the same is true for Facebook.   Actually, having the ability to make a connection at any time is one of the things I love most about Facebook.  At any time, day or night, I can access my Facebook account and be inspired, uplifted and connected with the world.  It is like reading a newspaper whose columns and columnists were created especially by me.  I tell people it is “email with life”.  I love the ability to ”friend” my favorite authors and receive their words of wisdom everyday and be able to comment and connect with them in real time. 

There are so many reasons I love Facebook and, believe it or not, I found I DO love connecting with my old friends.  It was the scared adolescent who was afraid of connecting with the kids from way back but my 48 year old self loves it.  Today I am grateful for all of my connections and Facebook shows up often on my daily gratitude list. 

 In fact, I was inspired to write this post after celebrating my 48th birthday two weeks ago. I posted that “you haven’t celebrated a birthday until you’ve celebrated one on Facebook.”  Throughout the day, my iphone (see – glad I have that!!) would chime and tell me I had another facebook post .  “Happy Birthday, Eileen.” “Enjoy your day.” “Thinking of you today.”  I had an astonishing 70 birthday wishes from all over the globe and I felt so loved and connected with my widening circle of friends thanks to this incredible social network.

Today, I view my circle of facebook friends as my big extended family. I look forward to waking up and seeing what is happening in the world through the eyes of my facebook family. Coffee with my extended family and available for me anytime I need it – marvelous. Not on facebook yet? Give yourself the gift and join and make sure to “friend” me. I look forward to connecting with you

Thankfully I have learned that all “great” breakdowns are usually followed by incredible breakthroughs.  It has happened so often that I no longer fear these periods when life seems dark and feels pointless.  I know today “the sun will come out tomorrow!”   This song actually has been my fight song for many years.  As a young adult, my parents would often joke when I came home in a bad mood or dejected about something – “get the Annie CD on.”  Music always serves to shift my mood.  It is a constant on my daily gratitude list.

Navigating through these dark periods, I have learned an extremely valuable lesson – the things I value most in life will always be there regardless of my outside circumstances.  It’s true.  This amazing insight came to me one morning as I was writing my daily gratitude list.  I often have new items on the list based on the events and circumstances of the day but I always have some simple key things that always bring me joy – my daughter, my family and friends, coffee, my bed, my morning blueberry loaf, music, sunshine, birds, breath.  

It was really refreshing one morning when I realized at a deep level, regardless if I need to move to a smaller place, never find another soul mate, lose a job, have no money, that I will always have the things that matter most to me in my life. 

I would encourage you to create this list for yourself.  List those things that you are truly grateful for that are constants and will always be there regardless of outside circumstances.  This list has helped me on many days when I languish in self – pity about some kind of ego related “important” issue.  The gentle soulful reminder that I truly have all I really need.  Life is much more simple than I realize.  Today I am striving for this type of simplicity in my life.  How about you?  What are some of the simple things that give you pleasure and are always available?  What is the “fight” song that helps you hold on until tomorrow? I would love to hear!

Today, I am on a personal quest to be present in my life, moment by moment.  To live fully and embrace ALL of it, all of the events, emotions, people and situations.  This work is not for the faint of heart.  This is the work of a warrior.  Often I wonder if I am strong enough to continue on this journey.  Thankfully the universe is ever so graceful and just when I feel like I am going to quit, turn back, retreat, and even in those times when I do, I get some inner resource to “just keep walking.” 

Some of my greatest supports on this journey are spiritual teachers like Pema Chodron, Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie.  Each of these masters, in their own brilliant way, has gently coached me on this journey.  As I write this post, I have Pema’s book The Wisdom of No Escape sitting next to me.  It is how I strive to live.  In the book Pema reminds us that “So whether it’s anger or craving or jealousy or fear or depression – whatever it might be – the notion is NOT to try and get rid of it, but to make friends with it.  That means getting to know it completely, with some kind of softness, and learning how, once you’ve experienced it fully, to let it go.”  Typically, when I slow down those deeper feelings of uncertainty and pain bubble up.  Which is why often, I just keep running and doing instead of being. 

This journey is not new for me.  If you follow my blog you know that last summer I embarked on a 30-day TV detox.   I continue to marvel at what is created from open space.   Last summer, when I did my TV detox the first week was light and fun.  Lots of time to do more things – slower pace.  Cool.  I remember thinking “I like this – maybe I will never even go back to TV.”   By the third week, I was in complete breakdown.  Being with “me” for a prolonged period of time was just too confronting.  I yearned to overeat, shop, escape reality plain and simple.   However, as I detailed at the end of my third week post, when I forced myself to sit with these uncomfortable feelings and meet them head on, they dissipated. So why the resistance?  Why do I still fear what will come up if I slow down?   

The first day of this 7 day journey is a rainy Sunday and I end up sleeping all afternoon.  I sleep soundly from 1-4PM and am fearful I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.  To mysurprise, lights out at 9 and I sleep like a baby.  This is not unusual.  At my first silent retreat, I felt like I slept more than I was present in silence.  The retreat facilitator said this is very common.  We often don’t even realize how tired we are until we slow ourselves down.  I remember that was one of the biggest gifts from the weekend of silence, feeling truly rested and refreshed. 

So, after a silent retreat and one month without TV this one week should be a cinch, right? Hardly. I am already feeling anxiety surface that typically is not permitted to fully surface – where will I live next? Will I ever date again? Can I support myself doing what I love?  Life’s bigger questions quickly become present with space.  Today, I am using a technique I learned 2 weeks ago at a meditation class – make the space bigger, make room for all of it – all of my fear, anxiety, joy, etc.  Yesterday I worked all day with a heavy feeling in my chest and a sense of impending doom in my psyche but the good new is I DID work and I didn’t run.  I kept remembering Thich Nhat Hahn’s famous reminder to greet fear and unwanted emotion by saying ”Hello my friend.”  I let the anxiety exist within me instead of trying to run from it, stuff it or numb it away.  It was not easy, but today I feel  less heavy. 

Ever wonder what would show up for you without TV or reading for a week?  How about a day?  What would bubble up to the surface for you to create or to ponder?  It is an interesting question. What I notice when those things are gone is at first a sense of joy and freedom.  WOW.  I feel good.  Nothing pulling at me – more time to do what I really want.  This is where the panic often begins. But what do I want?  Who am I?  What do I like to do?  In the quiet when there is no where to run I am left to create and to ponder these bigger questions.  Care to join me on this journey?  Shut your TV off, close your books/newspapers and see what opens up.  You may be surprised at what you discover.

Give yourself a 20 minute gift sometime this week and watch this amazing video from Brene Brown. 

She shares her insights in a witty and wonderful way on embracing vulnerability as a key to overcoming shame, fear and our struggles to believe we are enough.  

I LOVE this video.  After viewing, I would love to here your comments.

The universe has such an incredible sense of humor.  I have been taught humility time and time again by having to embrace things that previously repulsed me. 

For example, today I do not eat sugar and I do not drink alcohol.  There was a time in my life when I would not have been your friend if you did not eat sugar and drink – I would have judged you as “boring” and moved on to my more “exciting” friends, leaving you in the dust.

Divorce.  I had a similar view of divorcees – in my judgment, they gave up to soon, did not try hard enough, really didn’t consider the impact of their actions on their families or children, in short, were selfish and self-serving.  Of course, that is until I became one.  Today, I know there is nothing further from the truth.

Often, this is how the universe teaches me humility, by throwing me right into the situations, or with the people and things I have strong opinions about.  It reminds me of the saying about ignorance – “condemnation before investigation.”

So my latest lesson in humility is one of simplicity.  I have heard the saying “Simplify your Life” but I never really aspired to have a simple life.  Simple to me meant boring, not exciting.  Once again, the universe had other ideas.  Reluctantly, I have had to scale back my life and my lifestyle. 

The feeling I get when I think about this is similar to when I took my first Artist Date, a solo excursion by myself for the first time to the art museum, and vacillated between feeling elated and courageous to pathetic and scared.  Today, as I embrace a simpler life, I vacillate between those same feelings of courage and elation and pathetic and scared. 

Over the last two years, I have moved out of an estate home on a golf course to a rented townhouse and am facing the prospect of moving, once again, to a smaller place.  I now shop in consignment stores and even posted an article about how they have become my new “boutiques” as I continue to downsize my lifestyle.  I recently worked up a three year plan for my new business and when I proudly showed it to my business friend and advisor, she lovingly reminded me “Great.  Now you’re right below the poverty level.” Yikes. 

How did I get here?  As an adult, I have always had money.  Plenty of money.  I made a decision as a young girl that I would always be independent and have money and worked hard to ensure that outcome.  I got a good job right out of college and when I left to try and get pregnant at age 37, I was earning a good six figure salary.  I got pregnant, had a baby, became a stay at home mom, and had a husband whose business kept us in the same comfortable lifestyle.  

Today, I really can’t tell you what happened.  All I know is that my journey has brought me to the place I am today and I am grateful.  That’s the miracle. I am grateful to know the truth that money, possessions, even people really can not provide the safety and security I am seeking at a deep level. 

Today, instead of embracing the philosophy of the material girl, the “achiever”, the “doer”, one who believes that more and bigger are better, I, instead, work hard to embrace simplicity.  I found a poem by William Henry Channing called “This Is To Be My Symphony” which begins “To live content with small means.”  It has become my new anthem.

Today, I strive “to be content with small means.”   Am I there yet?  No.  I still have a material “wish list” which includes Phillies season tickets, an ipad , a shore house (which I once owned) and yes, even a new partner. 

The difference is that at a deep level I know that none of those things will truly make me happy or provide the feeling of peace and contentment I am seeking moment by moment.  This is an inside job and one I continue to work on daily.

How about you?  Where are you on the simplicity journey?  How do you balance an inner yearning for the simple with an outer world that feels more and more material? Please share your comments, I would love to hear!